drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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