Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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