I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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