how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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