It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am midnight drunk by noon
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
