It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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