im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
