he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
