Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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