Porn is love you can see.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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