I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
