Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
