I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
