Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
