So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
