You're a womanizer and a bitch.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Farmville is her only friend.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
