i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
