Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
