if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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