I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
