so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
