I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
