Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
