ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
