my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
