Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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