dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
