My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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