i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
