I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
