About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
