He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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