Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
