I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
