I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
