Dude my mom stole all your condoms
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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