he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
