Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
