I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
