So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Your cock deserves a montage
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
