He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
