they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
