she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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