Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
