im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
