I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
