gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
