I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
