remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
