i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
