'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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